Not texting a text back from him can be labeled as inconsistent action. He might do it for different reasons related only to him, you, or both of you. To define the reason, you need to check the replying timeline and his attachment system. The attachment system plays a big role in how he communicates with you. With a few words, actions mean much more than words. If he doesn’t text you for hours or even days but he is active on other platforms then that can tell you a lot. He might be ignoring or avoiding you. So, to end your confusion, here are 14 specific reasons why he isn’t texting you back:
1. Your answers were short and misleading
A guy can be quite investing for some time and then just disappear. That might mean that you might have contributed to this detachment. He might have been asking questions and initiating conversations constantly. If you kept answering with short answers or just reacting to his messages, he will withdraw from you slowly. You might do it because of your attachment style or because you’re not sure about him. Yet, know that your behavior will be reflected in him too. You might have been giving him a negative vibe, you might sound like you’re distancing and you’re not interested in him.
2. You always initiate the conversations
If you just started dating and you always initiated the conversations, he might get irritated. In general, men like to be leaders, especially in a relationship. As this study shows, men are designed to protect and provide. If you didn’t give him the chance to initiate the conversation then he might start to dry text. His answers start to get shorter and then suddenly he will stop responding. You should have left some space for him to lead the conversation too. I know that getting into male psychology and understanding his behavior might seem impossible.
3. He is confused about his feelings and situation
When a guy is confused about his feelings, he is inconsistent and gives you mixed signals. This situation is related to the trauma that he experienced earlier on. Whether this trauma was related to his past relationships with other women or even with his parents. He might feel overwhelmed if you showed him love and compassion. Now, he doesn’t know how to react and pulls away from you. He won’t text back for days or even weeks until he clears his head. Whether he will text you back or not depends on his attachment style. If he is a fearful avoidant then he might or might never text back. This depends on how he processes the post-breakup feelings.
4. His texting patterns are different from yours
Everyone has different texting patterns and in general, men tend to text less than women. If you text three or four times in a day a man might text one to two times. So, if he isn’t texting back during the day, every time that you text, it might not be a bad sign. He might not see it as an issue and he might not think that he’s ignoring you. If you feel left out and maybe ignored, it’s better to talk with him about it.
Do not accuse him immediately. Show him how you feel and that you understand him. Check how he texts with others and if he interacts with them the same way as with you.
I know that not getting a text back will irritate you but don’t let it turn into an obsession.
5. He is a player
When a guy is a player, he will play the pull-and-push game. You will be confused constantly by his behavior because his actions don’t match his words. Also, his communication with you will be different. He might not text you back for days and then he will come up with an excuse. His reasons will be irrelevant most of the time and you will notice it. For him, it might not seem like a problem if he disappears for days and then acts as if nothing happened. He might not text you back and then act all lovey-dovey. To make sure if he is just playing around then you should see how he behaves with you. Check how many conversations he initiates and even if he asks you out on a date or not. You just need to have an eye on his effort toward you.
6. He isn’t feeling valued or understood by you
When a man doesn’t feel appreciated in the relationship, he tends to take a step back. If you had prior arguments and those situations were not solved entirely, he might start to detach. Your boyfriend won’t text you back because his feelings are hurt. He just doesn’t feel like responding to you. Before jumping to accuse him or justify yourself, you need to give him a break. Use this time to reflect on what went wrong and how you might have hurt him. His absence will lead you to know yourself on a deeper level.
7. He was only looking for attention
Not only women but also men start to date just to get validation and attention. If he doesn’t text you after the third date for more than two weeks then that means he was not interested. He was just casually dating to pass his time or he found someone new to date. This type of guy is constantly keeping his options open because he just needs attention. Mostly, a man who has low self-esteem will do it so he will gain some type of power over you. In this case, this guy isn’t texting back because he wants to be in control.
8. He is avoiding you
If a guy you’ve been dating recently for several months starts to lose interest, he will avoid you. He won’t be upfront about his feelings and his decision. Now, he isn’t texting back because he either wants to keep you as a backup or is bad at communicating his feelings. You might notice that he will be present on other platforms but won’t communicate with you. In this case, he will give you a lot of mixed signals. He might even like your posts or watch your stories but not interact with you in another form.
9. He is disconnected from life
Life can get messy sometimes and your partner or boyfriend will get distracted. Especially, if he is a person that feels so much but cannot express his feelings and thoughts. He might have some family or work issues that are keeping his mind occupied. You will notice that he is behaving the same with everyone. It’s not only you that he isn’t giving his attention to. So, in this case, you need to just give him some time to feel whatever he is feeling. After some days, you might reach out to him just to make him sure that you’re there for him. Once, he feels safe with you again and works on his issues, you will notice that his text patterns will change.
10. He needs a break from the relationship
If you have had many arguments lately and even small fights maybe he needs to distance himself for a bit. Especially, if he feels like his needs aren’t being noticed by you, he will pull away. It’s true that sometimes you or your partner might lose yourself while in this relationship. If he feels like you aren’t on the same page as he is then he might not text you back. He wants to be distant so you can appreciate his absence. To be more specific, he wants to teach you a life lesson while drawing his boundaries.
11. He is keeping his dating options open
The dating game nowadays isn’t easy at all. He might be dating for fun and not looking for something serious. So, he keeps his dating options open and doesn’t make you his priority. When a guy isn’t dating you exclusively then he doesn’t bother to take on relationship responsibilities. He is going to text you back whenever he feels like doing it. Actually, he will do it when he has free time, when he needs something from you, or when he feels lonely. He will offer you only the attention and other “relationship” elements that he thinks are enough for both of you. In this case, if you have been dating for a while you need to reflect and make a move.
12. He is ignoring you
If your boyfriend or partner is looking for another partner or currently cheating, he will withdraw. He isn’t texting you back, his texts get dry and short, and he gets mad at you for contacting him. Now, it takes hours or a day for him to respond. He tells you that whenever he is free, he will get back to you, and most of the time, he doesn’t do it. In this situation, he wants to make you lose interest in him and he is working toward that goal.
13. You might have made him feel uncomfortable
If you are dating recently and you pushed him to make relationship things, this will scare him away. A guy isn’t texting you back because he isn’t ready to be committed to a relationship. Maybe, for now, he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship at all. He might have been hurt in the past and now he has trust issues. It’s not easy for someone who has past relationship trauma to just jump into something serious. If you have written something that might have triggered him this part then that’s why he isn’t texting you back.
14. He acknowledged that he can’t use you
If he was looking for a fling and just to boost his ego and can’t do it anymore, he isn’t going to text you back. If your last text message is about drawing boundaries then it takes him longer to text you back. At first, he might think that you’re joking or he will try to use this situation so he can benefit from it. Right now, your boyfriend or the person that you’re dating will try again to contact you. It will take more than a day to reach out to you and he will act like everything is okay. He will try to use reverse psychology to change the situation.
What to do when he isn’t texting you back?
When a guy isn’t texting you back, you need to give him some space and focus on yourself. If you focus on yourself, you will avoid many mistakes. First, you won’t be clingy or you won’t hurt him any further. This time apart will help you to reflect on your actions too.
- In the meantime, you need to avoid double texting because he already has seen the text. If he wanted then he would reply to you. No matter the reason, you need to give him some time to react to this situation. When you double text, you will put pressure on him or give him full control over this situation.
- After that you can text and be polite and respectful. Ask him if there is something that you can do about him. This is the time that you need to focus on his needs and if there is something that you can fix. Accusing him of ghosting you won’t give you any answer. Even if you try to make him feel guilty for ignoring you won’t give positive results also. What can reconnect him with you is shifting the mindset.
- If giving him space and asking isn’t working then give you a little more time. Then you can call him and try to have a decent conversation. If he won’t pick up or just doesn’t want to prolong the conversation then you might get the answer. Try to work on yourself and shift your mindset from worrying about why he isn’t texting you back to you.
The timeline of not texting back: Recharging vs Ghosting
To understand the reason why a guy isn’t texting you back, you need to know and understand his texting patterns. Sometimes a guy doesn’t like to text very often as a woman does and that’s quite normal. Also, you need to check how he interacted with you earlier. If from the beginning he didn’t text you for three hours or more during the day maybe this is his pattern. He might be busy during the day or he just doesn’t use his phone much during the week. It all depends on his personality, preferences, and how he interacted with you earlier. Yet, if he used to reply to you at least an hour later and now he isn’t texting you back for days then he is ignoring you.
Why isn’t he texting back?
He isn’t texting you back because he isn’t either interested in you anymore or just wants some space. What makes the difference is the period that goes by without texting you and how he interacts afterward. I know that you might feel anxious and want an answer or the same intensity of attention that once he gave. And that’s quite normal because you are noticing a pattern changing. Yet, it’s important to stay calm and reflect on your behavior and interaction first. Still, don’t blame yourself because his behavior is not always linked to your actions. Be brave and set your boundaries. Sincerely, Callisto Adams
