But, she also said that however commonplace it may be, infidelity can be the worst kind of betrayal and sometimes changes the relationship irrevocably. Couples find it extremely hard to survive infidelity in a marriage. Even though they may continue together for the sake of children, parents, and finances, the love and respect almost always vanish. And yes trust too! Having a cheating husband can be devastating. Especially when a friend or a neighbor tells you, “I saw your husband entering the hotel room in the afternoon.” When a wife begins to see signs that a husband is cheating online or signs of an emotional affair, she could end up feeling guilty despite her spouse being the one who breached her trust. What if there was a way you could know he was cheating on you? Are there any warning signs of a cheating husband that you may have missed? With an expert on board, we can help you deal with all your woes. Psychologist Juhi Pandey (M.A, psychology), who specializes in dating, premarital, and breakup counseling, is here to tell us more about what the signs of a cheating husband look like and what one can do. So without further ado, let’s get right into it.
Why Do Husbands Cheat?
Instances of cheating and infidelity have always been there, just that now fewer spouses are willing to look the other way just for keeping peace in the marriage society for the sake of the children or the fear of judgment by society, and rightly so. Today, if a cheating husband is caught, chances are it will deal a severe blow to the marriage. Despite the high risks, and what is at stake, men still end up cheating, and women too. But for this article, we will just focus on husbands and how to know if your husband is cheating. Men cheat for all kinds of reasons. Here are a few of them:
Non-monogamous nature: By nature, men are actually not monogamous. Maintaining sexual exclusivity over the decades is tough, especially for themAvailability: Because the sex was simply available and they couldn’t say no, this happens especially in office affairsPregnancy: Expectant fathers cheat on their pregnant wives because a couple’s sex life may take a hit during this periodStress: To deal with the stress of their lives and blow off some steam, men feel inclined to go out and cheatFeeling desired: The extramarital affair partner makes them feel ‘desired’ and ‘wanted’ when they are going through a rough time or not feeling to good about themselvesMid-life crisis: Some cheat to beat the mid-life crisis bluesInsecurity: Some cheat out of insecurity, they are too old, maybe not rich enough, perhaps because they feel they are not good-looking. This is the way to appease their egoImpulse: For some cheating is just that impulse of the moment when they drank a little too much at a party and a good-looking woman walked over to themRevenge: Revenge cheating is also common in husbands that they take out on wives when they are especially angry with them about somethingUnhappiness: Frustration with the marriage partner could trigger the behavior of cheating. Some cheat because they feel unappreciated at home or a general feeling of dissatisfaction in the primary relationshipSerial cheater tendencies: Some are just habitual philanderers and cannot really shake the tendency off. You will definitely notice this happening over and over as this is one of the major signs of a cheating husband in a long-distance relationship. LDR is not his jam so if he has cheated more than once in your relationship, consider him a serial cheater
5 Main Reasons Why Husbands Cheat
Many a time, couples get trapped in a vicious cycle of communication mistakes that lead to misunderstandings and an inability to resolve conflicts. Besides, the responsibilities of marriage and raising a family make a couple grow apart gradually and they start to feel emotionally distant, leading them astray. And then, some people cheat because they can. This can lead to a feeling of discontentment in the marriage. Add to the mix, ready access to past flames, exes, and crushes through the internet and social media, and you have the perfect recipe for a scintillating affair in the making. Of course, the reasons that prompt a cheating husband to cross the line can vary, from marriage to marriage. However, according to counseling psychologist, Juhi Pandey, some common themes underlie the incidence of cheating in a marriage. Based on the cases she’s dealt with, she shares some key reasons why husbands cheat on their spouses:
1. Lack of spice in the relationship
When a husband feels that his married life lacks the zing and oomph, he may seek it outside the marriage. Often, cheating can seem like a quick-fix alternative to bring back the excitement as compared to the long and arduous process of working through the issues plaguing the marriage. Every marriage gets a bit boring when couples settle down and become comfortable with each other. But instead of communicating with their wives and finding novel ways to keep the spark alive, they may start looking for it outside the marriage. But are you currently in the ‘I suspect my husband is cheating but I have no proof’ zone? Well, we have your back. You may check if your husband is flirting with somebody online with the help of the mSpy app. Install mSpy, and you will see all the messages from Facebook, Whatsapp, and Snapchat from your husband`s phone. Moreover, you will be able to know his up-to-date location. “Cheating in a marriage can also be fueled by lack of interest, which can be due to a host of reasons. For instance, if the wife is not interested in being physically intimate, it could lead to frustration in the marriage. Eventually, the man loses interest in even trying and starts seeking sexual gratification elsewhere,” says Juhi.
2. He is selfish
As soon as his needs are not met, he does not look inwards to think of ways to work on his relationship with his wife and make his marriage work. Instead, he selfishly looks for gratification outside the marriage. “It’s not uncommon for husbands to lose interest in their wives when they’re going through a challenging phase such as pregnancy, menopause, or dealing with physical or mental health issues. “These phases can take a toll on the bonding between spouses, and to many men, seeking emotional or sexual gratification outside the marital bond may seem like the easy way out,” Juhi says. This is a classic case of a selfish husband who only thinks of himself.
3. Signs of a cheating husband can stem from childhood issues
Childhood experiences can also impact a person’s proclivity toward infidelity. You may have at your hands a cheating hubby if he’s had a toxic childhood, been abused, grew up in a dysfunctional family, or had a parent with addiction issues. He might bring that emotional baggage into his marriage and may not be able to foster a healthy relationship. Then unable to deal with the responsibility of marriage, he might turn to an extramarital affair as a coping mechanism. Likewise, a person who’s seen either of his parents cheat in their marriage may view infidelity as acceptable and may be more prone to indulge in it as an adult.
4. They believe they are unique
Some men have exalted ideas about themselves and they feel that they are the best gift to women. They flirt shamelessly and try to get the attention of women. They might be dutiful husbands but believe that an extramarital affair is an inevitability they can’t avoid because they are so charming. “There are some personalities who can never stick to one person. They want to explore more and want adventure in their lives. They find affairs to be the way to fulfill their need for adventure,” says Juhi.
5. They are insecure
Sometimes husbands feel extremely insecure in their relationships, especially if the wives are better looking, smarter, or richer than them. So, to feel worthy and desired, the husbands might get romantically involved with someone else. According to Juhi, lack of support in a marriage can also be a reason for infidelity. “Lack of support from the spouse may initially be just a trigger factor where the person starts seeking emotional support from the friend, which can eventually turn into a full-fledged affair,” she adds. Excessive conflicts in marriage can also make husbands look for another partner in whom they can find an escape from all the tension and stress of their married life. The advent of technology has made it easy to connect with their affair partners without the spouses finding out about their extramarital relationships.
Interesting facts related to cheating husbands
20 Signs Of A Cheating Husband You Should Never Ignore
A cheating husband would always leave behind clues about his affair no matter how careful he is about covering his tracks. You may even be able to spot signs of cheating husband guilt in him after he’s committed the deed, runs into you in the living room as he is trying his best to tiptoe his way into the room. Chances are you have already noticed the signs of a cheating husband but ignored them because you did not want to be labeled as paranoid. What if he is gaslighting you? Yes, gaslighting is also one of the signs of a cheating husband. He makes you think it is in your head. Remember, if your gut tells you something is amiss, there is probably some truth to it. You are not being paranoid, you are just trying to decode the warning signs of cheating in the best interest of your marriage. Now you must know that husbands who cheat devise multiple ways to keep their affairs hidden from their wives. Nevertheless, there are a few warning signs of cheating that will give away an affair, but you need to look closely. Remember, your husband will do everything to hide the affair, but cheaters always get caught, because unwittingly they do leave behind clues in the form of messages that have not been deleted or making up stories that do not add up. There will be crumbs, you need to pick them out. ‘Is my husband cheating?’, you wonder. Well, today, you might be able to find out. We have handpicked 20 clear signs of a cheating husband for all you wives out there, who have some doubts about the loyalty of their husbands. Find out how to catch a cheater.
1. You may spot some signs of cheating husband guilt
His constant guilt is one of the most common warning signs of cheating. He is well aware of the fact that the affair is a bad idea, so he will feel guilty. Then out of guilt, he will stay away from you as much as possible. Or, do things to make up for the affair. The idea of you two being alone will make him extremely anxious. Thus, he will keep making excuses to avoid being all alone with you. Or he will be all goody-touchy-feely with you so that you get distracted and not ask him questions about things you may have found amiss in his behavior or activities. The signs of cheating husband guilt can truly be spread on a broad spectrum, which can make them harder to identify. You have to keep an eye out for anything that seems out of the character.
2. Even when he is with you, he is distracted
Physically, your husband might be beside you but, mentally, his mind will be lost in some other thoughts. He will become absent-minded around you and not pay attention to what you are doing or saying. You will often find him blanked out, maybe he is thinking of her or because he is daydreaming. He may also be sleeping more than usual if he is cheating on you. The idea is, he is there at home, with you, but he seems distracted. These are some not-so-obvious signs of a cheating husband, as these can be passed off as a result of the stress or preoccupation with work. But if you look closely, there will be signs that he is not into you. For instance, he may only seem distracted and distant with you. When it comes to the children or his friends, he is 100% present in the moment. If that seems familiar, you may be dealing with a cheating husband.
3. A sign of a cheating husband is his style changes dramatically
In case you notice that your husband’s dressing style is changing drastically, then you can count it among the signs of a cheating husband, especially if you are not the reason behind those dramatic changes. Having an affair means that he will dress to impress and make extra efforts to look his best every day. He may have started to take care of himself better because he needs to be appealing to this other woman. The shopping may be more frequent and his gym sessions may become more intense. Unexplained expenses are also one huge sign. Check if there are odd charges on his credit card? A hotel room in your city? If you add all of these uncharacteristic behaviors, you may be able to see the signs your husband is cheating with a coworker. He dresses to impress while going to work because the object of his affection awaits him there. He is frequenting hotels because that may be the only place available to them to engage in some hot action between the sheets.
4. How to tell if your husband is cheating? Note how he fights with you
Does your husband argue with you without any concrete reason regularly? If yes, then it is an indication of his frustration and also one of the signs of cheating husband guilt about having an affair with someone else. Emotional infidelity is more common than you think and has catastrophic repercussions. He will find flaws with everything you do and you are. Nothing you do seems good enough for him and he finds it easier to pick fights with you. Never ignore this warning sign of infidelity – this way he manages to talk less to you and avoid you – and you let him do so. But this is an absolute sign of a cheating partner in a relationship.
5. A cheating husband becomes extremely defensive
How to know if your husband is cheating? Pay special attention to this. When he comes home to you after spending time with his lover, a part of him will worry about getting caught. What if you spot some physical signs your husband is cheating? A lipstick mark on his shirt. A love bite on his chest. A whiff of her perfume on him. To save himself from that scrutiny his defensiveness will rise to such levels that there will be no avenue for meaningful and open discussions between the two of you. You just cannot have a conversation with him anymore. He will stubbornly claim that he is right and you are wrong, and also indulge in blame-shifting. The offense is the best form of defense, you will find him accusing you of being suspicious or outright crazy. He may also go to extra lengths to account for his otherwise unaccountable hours. And he will come up with excuses for everything.
6. He either pampers you a lot or doesn’t pamper at all
Whether you’re looking for signs of a cheating husband at work or have reasons to believe that he may have reconnected with an ex while being married to you, pay attention to his tendency to pamper you. If he either over-indulges or completely stops pampering you, it’s suspicious behavior. His attitude toward you will be noticeably different if he is cheating on you. In order to compensate for his guilt, he may go the extra length to make you feel special. Maybe he buys you the same perfume that he has bought for her to feel less horrible about himself. Or he may even send you flowers just because he sent her too. Or he could be so consumed with his partner that he will have no love to shower on you. He will no longer plan surprise dates, and may forget relationship milestones like anniversaries. If he has emotionally checked out of the marriage, chances are he will just be there and not there in the marriage.
7. His closest friend doesn’t look you in the eye
How to spot a cheating husband? Spend some time with his closest friend and ask him questions that can help you verify your husband’s carefully woven stories about his whereabouts. Who won racquetball the other day at court? How was your weekend hike with the gang? Are you guys planning another weekend getaway? The friend would seem clueless but will cover it up. You will notice that his closest friend will be uncomfortable around you. It is because he is also carrying the burden of his friend’s extramarital affair. This is an absolute sign of a cheating husband. His friends will gradually start avoiding you too lest you ask questions that they find hard to answer.
8. A cheating husband develops new interests that don’t involve you
It is good that your husband is trying out new things. But if he develops new interests and does not include you in his new pursuits, it is among the guaranteed signs of cheating. Is it golf? Going for a hike? Maybe a sudden beer weekly night out with his men friends? You will start to feel that you two never spend any time together and that you are drifting apart. These should all trigger warning bells. How to know if your husband is cheating on you behind your pack? He could have got a gym membership and suddenly he has now become a gym rat who spends hours working out or he could have started swimming at the club. If he suddenly has a host of new hobbies and interests, consider them as warning signs of cheating. In all likelihood, these are just excuses for him to get away from home. Or he could be indulging in this with his affair partner.
9. Privacy becomes his top priority
It is normal for people to want their own personal time and space in a relationship. But what if his phone is always turned away from you. What if he chooses to sit in a corner during family hours? What if he steps out to receive calls? What if his phone follows him to the bathroom too? Still wondering, ”is my husband cheating?’ because this is as obvious as it gets. These are the typical signs of a cheating partner. He might be keeping secrets from you by giving the argument that his privacy is important. He is always demanding his space. This is usually what happens when a husband cheats on his wife. To know the signs of a cheating husband and how to catch him, you have to develop a keen eye for detail. Once you have enough reason to believe that your suspicions are not unfounded, you can try leveraging technology to your benefit. There are apps to catch cheaters that you use to gather evidence against your cheating husband.
10. His sexual style and appetite change drastically
One of the physical signs your husband is cheating is a contrasting shift in his sexual style and appetite. He will exhibit new levels of confidence in bed and might have some new moves to show off. He wants to know more about pleasing a woman so that he can sexually please his affair partner. A cheating husband may also moan his lover’s name while he is having sex with you. Pay close attention to what he whispers during the act. This is a good way to catch a cheater.
11. He stops sharing financial details with you
Carrying out an affair is an expensive business. Your cheating husband will have to spend money on his rendezvous with his affair partner, and so he will try his best to keep his financial details hidden from you. He does not want you to question him regarding how he spends his money. You can call for his credit card details. Does it have unexplained expenses? Brenda and her husband Nate were in a long-distance marriage since both had jobs in different cities. Brenda had a nagging feeling that something was amiss but struggled to identify signs of a cheating husband in a long-distance relationship. Then, one weekend when she was visiting him, she found a bill for a scarf from an expensive brand tucked away in the husband’s wallet. When she questioned him about it, he mumbled something and left. The next morning he came up with a story that she couldn’t refute. But the hunch didn’t go away, so she started looking into his bank and credit card statements, and sure enough, some guaranteed signs of cheating were staring her in the face.
12. People around you keep giving hints regarding your husband’s disloyalty
Your family members, friends, and colleagues might have noticed some changes in your husband and might have even seen him with some unfamiliar person. They might have told you about it, and given you hints that your husband is not being entirely honest with you. Take note of their hints at an extramarital affair and don’t get angry at their audacity. It’s possible that these people may have seen your cheating hubby with his lover. Or worse still, he may be introducing her to the social circle that you were both once a part of. If friends and family drop hints, no matter how subtle, you need to be alert and figure out how you want to deal with a cheating husband.
13. He starts disliking family gatherings and outings with friends
Yes, many people don’t like family get-togethers and other meet-and-greet events because there is just too much pressure to be perfect. No matter how hard you try, someone or the other will find a way to put you down with their snarky remarks. But if he is someone who enjoyed these gatherings with friends and family and has suddenly stopped, it’s a clear warning sign that your husband is having an affair. Instead of spending time with his family and friends, he will think of ways to meet the affair partner as many times as possible. Therefore, he will avoid going to any family gatherings and even not go out with his best friends.
14. Your husband might blame you for cheating on him
You don’t know what to do when your husband cheats on you but you are completely at a loss when he starts suspecting you. If he does this, when you are quite loyal to him, then something is amiss. This is one of the not-so-obvious signs of a cheating husband because by turning the tables of accusation on you, he’s playing with your mind and manipulating you to perfection.
You will either be too appalled by his insinuations or get invested in proving that he is wrong. Either way, he has succeeded in deflecting attention from his own transgressions without you even smelling a rat. He accuses you of having an affair so that he can handle his feelings of guilt. He keeps on pinpointing old incidents or highlighting your flaws all the time to justify his affair to himself. The classic dilemma of a cheating husband.
15. He spends too much time with technology
Technology interfering with couple relationships has become a common marriage problem, but in this case, your husband will keep himself busy all day long. He will be glued to his laptop or phone continuously, scrolling social media platforms and you may notice that he spends most of his time texting someone. These are all signs your husband is cheating online. The frequency of phone calls he gets and the duration of these calls will also increase. He will guard his cell phone fiercely, and there will be passwords on all applications, especially the texting apps like WhatsApp and Telegram. These are guaranteed signs of cheating that you shouldn’t ignore.
16. He changes his passwords frequently
Earlier, he had no problems if you knew the passwords to his email ID or his phone. But a cheating husband will become extra cautious and will keep changing his passwords frequently without revealing them to you. If you need to use his phone, he will make excuses not to lend it to you. Online cheating is the most common route to infidelity, so beware. He might be involved in micro-cheating without even realizing that what he’s doing is wrong. Over time, he may become so addicted to it that he cannot stop doing it.
17. His body has unexplained scratches and love bites
Want to catch a cheating husband red-handed? The best way is to find physical signs your husband is cheating. If you happen to see any unexplained scratches and love bites on your husband’s body, then you need to wake up and take some serious action. The love bites and scratches on his body are a tell-tale indicator of his passionate encounters with someone other than you. Yes, this is one of the most heartbreaking signs of a cheating husband but ignoring it will not make your problems disappear. If anything, it will embolden him to carry on with his transgressions. So, if you see any physical marks that indicate he’s sleeping with another woman, confront him.
18. Your husband criticizes you repeatedly
How to tell if your husband is cheating? Think about how he treats you. Your cheating hubby will criticize you for no rhyme or reason. This may be because he is consciously or subconsciously comparing you to his affair partner. The qualities and characteristics of the affair partner, which are missing in you, will irk him and his behavior toward you will become rude and demeaning. He may also accuse you of not taking care of your body and skin, or that you always complain and make him feel low. Nothing in you will seem good to him anymore. He will look for her in you, without realizing how much hurt he is causing you.
19. One of the signs of a cheating husband is that he fails to notice you
In the past, your husband might have noticed everything you do or say. But, now he will fail to notice you and be distant. His mind will be occupied with the thoughts of the affair partner, so obviously, he will not observe you as closely as he did before. You will also see that the emotional intimacy between the two of you has faded. He shares less, his issues and challenges. Most of his answers are now monosyllabic and he makes no effort to initiate conversation, except about essential things like bills, kids, and such. This typically happens when the affair is much more than a means to have sexual needs met. In this case, you also have to figure out how to deal with your spouse’s emotional affair.
20. You will feel uncomfortable in the relationship
Even if you do not want to accept it, your sixth sense will tell you that your husband is cheating. You will feel uncomfortable in the relationship because you will realize that your husband is faking it and not being true to you. Wives have this knack to pick on clues and it comes from our survival instinct. So if your gut makes you uncomfortable around him, you must dig deeper. Based on these signs of a cheating husband, you may find the foundation of your marriage somewhat on shaky grounds. The pain of betrayal is difficult to deal with but you will need to roll up your sleeves and handle the situation. We told you why extramarital affairs happen and how to read the signs of a cheating partner. Now, we will tell you how to deal with a cheating husband and how to cope with his extramarital affair. When confronted, your husband is likely to deny the affair, may even lie to you and manipulate you into believing otherwise. You need to trust yourself and not give in to emotional blackmail.
What To Do If Your Husband Is Cheating And How To Cope
Once your husband breaks your trust by getting romantically involved with another person, it will be difficult for you to trust him again. Your husband might appear regretful and tell you to give him another chance. The decision to accept him, even after the revelation of his affair, should be your sole decision. Here’s what you should do if your husband cheats:
Seek support: Get as much support as possible from family and friends, because recovering from such heartbreak is emotionally exhaustingGet closure: Clear all your doubts, by talking to your husband straightforwardly. Ask your unfaithful spouse questions about his affair so that you can get a closureGo into therapy: Counseling can be a good option for you and your husband if you want your relationship to work outMove on: In case, your husband cannot stop the extramarital affair and let go of his affair partner or gets involved in another affair then, you must move on, to preserve your self-esteem
Although difficult, it is not impossible to move on together after cheating and rebuild your relationship. You can even seek professional help to sort out your marital issues. It is up to you to find the best way to overcome the pain caused by such a treacherous relationship and rediscover yourself to live your life satisfactorily. Give yourself time to heal and recover your confidence to step into the world of relationships and marriages, once again.
