Since the dawn of human history, gender roles have been defined for married couples. Men work; women bear children and take care of the household. And this is supposed to be the secret to a happy marriage and a stable society. In some communities, for example in Christian communities, there is a divine aspect added to reproduction. It is believed that the sole purpose of human creation is procreation and that a child is a gift of God. Not to forget, the ancient belief worldwide – a woman’s greatest gift is motherhood, and that her very existence remains incomplete without the role of a mother.
Why do couples opt to have no children?
Nevertheless, in the 21st century, things are drastically changing, taking in their stride the changing definitions of motherhood, marriage, gender roles, along with notions of personal and conjugal happiness. Today, the modern woman is not afraid to demand her rights and assert her will. She holds the reins of her own life and body. One such individualistic decision by wives around the world is to go childless or ‘childfree’ as the term goes. Miraculously, they are getting the support of their husbands. A happy marriage without kids is possible.
Let us look at some of the reasons why couples go childless by choice:
They share a more individual approach to happiness in marriage. Couples feel that they need to spend their lives with each other and for their own self. Bringing a child means the division of time and cutting off a chunk of one’s personal endeavours (in the case of women, pursue their careers). For them, happiness is being with each other and doing what they love without having to compromise it for anyone else Some couples feel that they aren’t exactly parenting material. The kind of selfless love, devotion, affection, and commitment required to raise a child is simply not their cup of tea On the other side, couples hold a pessimistic view – “children bring only disappointment”. So, the golden rule for these married couples – no expectations (from children), no disappointments! There are other couples who hold environmentalist views that the earth is already burdened by children who have no parents. So why add to the human population? Sometimes, the decision to go childless is solely that of a woman. Pregnancy brings a lot of physical and emotional changes. Not to mention, the amount of pain a woman undergoes during the process of childbirth. So, after years of dealing with the menstrual pain, she decides to spare herself the ultimate pain of childbirth Other factors – advanced education, less social pressure to bear a child, advanced contraception, and support of NGOs and Childfree supportive groups
Childless couples’ statistics in India and worldwide
There has been no extensive research regarding the percentage of voluntary childlessness in India. Here, infertility or other physical, mental, social or economic factor is still one of the dominant causes of childlessness among married couples. However, according to the National Family Health Survey, 2007, childlessness in India is estimated at around 2.5%, with 5.5% for women aged 30-49 and 5.2% for the 45-49 age group. Pew Research Center, with the supplement of Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey, has observed the global trends in childlessness. The percentage of women without children around the world aged 40-44 rose to 18% in 2008 from 10% in 1976. Research conducted mostly in developed and European countries shows that the rate of women choosing to be childfree is on the rise. These women fall under the urban and educated category of society.
What is life like for couples with no children?
Life, in the case of childless couples, is like parental couples, but with less drama. I know a couple who used to be my neighbours. In my entire history of knowing them, all I have seen is a life of marital bliss and happiness. There was nothing ‘abnormal’ in or ’empty’ about their life. The wife loved cooking and experimenting with dishes and provided tiffin services in the locality. The husband was an animal researcher who wanted to travel abroad someday. Both were doing their best to save money. Being childhood sweethearts, they always seemed so complete with each other. They worked hard for five days and in the weekends set out for dates on their bike. It has been years and their Facebook pictures and stories still remain the same – happy and content. So, this must be the life of every childfree couple out there –
Lastly, no heartbreaks, guilt, resentment or sleepless nights and days because of that devil called ‘child’. But life isn’t always sunny for childless couples. At times, they pay a price for their choice.
Common problems faced by childless couples
It’s no hidden fact that the Indian mind thinks and rethinks every important decision of life-based on the dictum – Log Kya Kahenge or what will the society say? In a land where pleasing a society is often given more importance than personal happiness, childfree couples have a tough time sticking to their decision. Listed below are six major hurdles faced by the couples: To conclude, while the educated, urban society has become more accepting of childfree couples, there is no universal and unanimous acceptance from the world at large.
Are childless couples more likely to divorce?
Childlessness has been considered an influencing factor in the divorce cases in India, according to statistics published in Livemint. It states that women with no kids have ten times higher chances of divorce than women with at least one kid. In the US, research proves that the divorce rate for childless couples is more than that of parents. While 66% are childless, 40% who divorce have kids. But there have been cases of happy marriages too, as author Laura Carroll has said, “I’ve been tracking the childfree for over 10 years now, and see many, many happily married childfree couples out there.” Author Laura S. Scott, head of the Childless by Choice Project, has concluded, “People assume children are the glue that holds a marriage together, which really isn’t true. Kids are huge stressors. Despite that, there is a strong motive to stay together. The childfree don’t have that motive, so there’s no reason to stay together if it’s not working.” It’s also a universal truth that when things get messy, the only thing that makes the married couples work on their relationship is children. And when that factor isn’t there for childfree couples, divorces are more likely to happen.
Are childless couples happier than parents?
Happiness is more a state of mind than the situation. There is no standard parameter to measure the happiness of childless couples pitted against parents. A report by Princeton University and Stony Brook University published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science found little difference in terms of life satisfaction between parents and childfree couples once other factors like health, education, religion, etc., were taken out. Its co-author Arthur Stone explained in an interview that being childless or parents is more of a personal choice. They are two different lifestyles and cannot be compared. “I choose orange because I like oranges. You choose an apple because you like apples. There’s no reason to think that your experiences should be any better than mine,” said Stone. “The orange is different than the apples. Having kids is different than not having kids. It doesn’t mean that one is … intrinsically better.” Thus, if you want to go ahead and decide not to have kids then there shouldn’t be anything stopping you. There isn’t anything abnormal or selfish about such a decision. Giving birth to a child is always a selfless act of love. You make a baby because really you want to! Not because everyone else is doing it. And coming to the big question of ‘happiness’, you get to create your own happy world. I’m sure making babies isn’t the only way!
