By quitting love, we don’t mean giving up on the relationship you’re currently in, but abandoning the idea of love altogether. We tell you why you shouldn’t give up on love. Don’t give up on love even just because you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom in your personal life. In such dark moments, it becomes even more important to hold on to the hope that something magical is around the corner and it can turn things around for you.
When You Feel Like Giving Up On Love
Is it ok to give up on love? When you feel like giving up on love, you must be undeniably in a tough spot in life. Perhaps, your first love, your second love, or the one after that didn’t pan out as you had expected it to. You had held on to the hope that you’d have met your soulmate by now, but instead, every failed relationship, every heartbreak has changed you as a person and chipped away at that hope little by little. When you’ve been oscillating between being the dumper and dumpee, or a long-term relationship not working out has left you devastated, it’s only natural to begin losing faith and perpetually ask yourself, ‘Should I give up on love?’ But maybe don’t give up on love just yet. Love is a basic human need. Much like food, air and water. You need it to survive and thrive. When you give up on love, it can change your outlook toward life and lead to a host of repercussions, such as reduced social interactions, stress, anxiety and even depression. While not many people may recognize it, love is regarded as a necessity for leading a healthy, well-rounded life. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pegs love as a basic pillar on which physical and emotional health rest. Studies indicate that being in loving relationships can reduce anxiety and stress. This, in turn, can eliminate the risk of auto-immune disorders, heart conditions, obesity and inflammation. It’s important to note here that giving up on love and giving up on someone you love is not the same thing. We can give you a million reasons not to give up on someone you love. But does that mean you should hold on no matter what? This brings us to a crucial question – when to give up on someone you love? If you’re in an unhealthy relationship with your partner and are seeing signs of a toxic relationship, it’s perfectly legitimate to walk out.
What Happens If You Give Up On Love?
Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Anyone who is caught in an unhealthy relationship has every right to move on without guilt or remorse. Is it ok to give up on love when that happens? No, not even then. No matter what, you have to hold on to the hope that love will come to you someday. Because if you don’t, then a destroyed self-worth, loneliness and a general dissatisfaction from life are only some of the things that happen when you give up on love.
We also know it’s easier said than done. Being in such extraordinarily overbearing circumstances where the person who is meant to love you and make you feel secure begins to violate your mental or physical sanctity, can have its repercussions. And yet, you must fight tooth and nail to preserve love in your life.
But to convince you to continue persevering and believing that someone is out there for you, here’s why you shouldn’t give up on love even when everything goes wrong:
1. Relationships overwhelm you
When you give up on love and no longer believe it love exists or is meant for you, the idea of romantic relationships can start to overwhelm you. You don’t see a point in investing so much in something that, according to you, is bound to fizzle out someday. Perhaps, you have been in long-term relationships or a marriage that has reached the point of stagnation. Eventually, even relationships you invest a lot in may come undone. Dealing with the heartbreak can make the thought of starting all over again exhausting. While that is understandable, you have to be mindful of the fact that all relationships require work and commitment from both partners. Once you find someone who is ready to meet you halfway, you are bound to realize that not all relationships are exasperating, overwhelming, or hollow. So, if you’re considering giving up on relationships as a result of lost faith in the idea of love, think again.
2. Trust issues are a result of quitting love
Betrayal, heartbreak, and a gaping void in your heart are the reasons why someone may consider giving up on love. In such situations, trust issues take hold. You’re convinced that anyone interested in you either has vested interests or is playing you. One of the tell-tale signs you’ve given up on love is that you become cynical of the idea that someone can love you for who you are. Even if there is a person pursuing you and you too have feelings for them, you will not be able to embrace the idea of loving them because a part of you cannot trust them. This is one of the biggest reasons not to give up on someone you love. When you have collected enough hurt, your defenses fall into place and you start suspecting strong, healthy feelings too. Maybe because you are left wondering at the point of it all. Or just don’t believe in love anymore.
3. Commitment issues
As they say, once bitten, twice shy. If you’ve had your heart skinned more than once, you’d naturally be skeptical of commitment. Even the thought of a long-term relationship or tethering yourself to another person makes you unsettled, nervous and stirs up an instant flight response. This fear of commitment is a defense mechanism that works subconsciously to protect you from hurt. As a result, you may have a tough time fostering committed relationships or becoming emotionally invested in another person. Nicole Stein, an OB-GYN had fallen in love with someone at her practice. The two went out together for a year or so until her boyfriend, Richard had to move across the country. This shattered Nicole’s heart and led her to develop commitment issues later on. She said, “I gave up on love completely when Richard left. I thought he was the one for me and now I don’t have it in me to start over again. I’m scared that if I fall for someone new, he will also find a reason to walk away.”
4. Loss of belief in relationships
If you want to give up on love forever, there is sure to be a valid reason behind it. Perhaps, you’ve been in a relationship full of abuse, manipulation, and infidelity. Or maybe you saw your parents, siblings, or other loved ones trapped in relationships with such unhealthy patterns. These could be possible signs you will never fall in love again because you’ve lost faith in the whole concept. As a result, you became convinced that all happy couple relationships are a farce. Your friends, your parents, or siblings – in your mind they’re all stuck in unhappy relationships and faking it to the world. It becomes hard to accept that two people can be genuinely happy together.
5. Giving up on love can make you self-centered
Since you’re single and want to give up on love forever, you may start developing a self-centered attitude. At work or when pursuing hobbies, traveling, and socializing – your entire life revolves around your own needs, wants, and desires. A lot of people view this self-centeredness as a way to love themselves when it is anything but self-love. In most cases, living your life thinking and catering to only your needs after giving up on love is also a defense mechanism. You want to become so self-sufficient that the presence or absence of others doesn’t make a difference to you. Over time, you begin to cut off not just on romantic partnerships but also friendships and other relationships. This can make your life extremely lonely. On some level, you abhor it.
6. Blame and guilt
When you’ve lost one love after the other, you begin to blame yourself for it. In part, you’re quitting on love because you believe that you don’t deserve it. You can’t get over that first love who dumped you over a breakup text. Or that second love who you think was the one that got away. And the third love who just wouldn’t commit. After a string of bad experiences, you begin to feel like it’s your fault that people can’t stay in love with you. This blame and guilt make you feel like you’re unlovable. As a result, you begin to push away any prospect of love finding its way into your life. Are you giving up on love at 30 or 40? Or perhaps you’re giving up on love after 50 even? It doesn’t matter how old you are. Take a moment to introspect whether a life bereft of love is what you truly desire or if this decision is an outcome of a string of bad experiences.
7. Settling for less than you deserve
If the need for companionship becomes too strong, you compromise and settle for less than you deserve rather than wait for a love that you’re worthy of. This happens mainly because you’ve given up the hope that you’ll meet your soulmate soon or ever. Often, this is one of the reasons why people get trapped and continue to stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships. This is one of the reasons people get married quickly too! Jason Wright, a fitness trainer got married to Angela – a woman he had been seeing for not too long. Angela made him happy but she didn’t make his heart leap. He said this about their marriage, “I have to admit that I’m 47 years old now and I gave up on love. Angela is good for me even though I’m not super in love with her. I don’t think I will ever fall in love again so marrying her is the best case scenario for me.” You begin to view getting a partner or spouse as one of the boxes to check off life’s to-do list. The quality of the relationship does not matter. Your partner or spouse may gaslight, manipulate, or demean you. You choose to put up with it because the idea that someone can truly love, support, and cherish you as a partner seems too unrealistic.
8. Ignoring sound advice
When your friends or loved ones try to counsel you or set up you with someone, you not only ignore their advice but become aloof and distant. You’re convinced that you did the right thing by quitting on love and the others don’t know what they’re talking about. Your insistence on giving up on ever finding love and refusal to see reason can cause friction between you and your loved ones. You start avoiding meeting or talking to them so you don’t get dragged into the same old conversation about why you shouldn’t give up on love forever.
8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Giving Up On Love
Can you relate to the things that happen when you give up on love? If yes, you may have already started giving up love or are at least very close to doing it. If you’re thinking about giving up on love at 50 or are just starting out in life and are mellowed down by all the bad marriages around you, let’s show you the positives instead and why you should wait for love. Here are 8 reasons why you shouldn’t give up on love:
1. Love makes you happier and healthier
As mentioned before, love is considered a necessity for living a happy life. Its benefits manifest not only in your emotional well-being but also in your physical health. Studies have established that when you’re in love, your brain works differently. This reduces the risk of anxiety, stress, irritability, mood swings, and personality disorders. Feelings of love release a hormone called oxytocin that make you feel happy and content. You eat better, sleep better, and are better equipped to lead a wholesome life. So the next time you ask, ‘Should I give up on love?’, consider your own health and well-being too.
2. Love shapes up your personality
Going through heartbreak can break you as a person. But it is important to remember that just because one love is over doesn’t mean the possibility of finding others is gone too. Every relationship, while it lasts and even when it fades away, teaches you some lessons. Your personality is the cumulative sum of these lessons and experiences. Perhaps, a partner taught you how to be vulnerable and express your feelings without inhibition. And another taught you how to be spontaneous and live in the moment. So, don’t look at your failed relationships as a waste of time. Or else you’ll keep asking yourself ‘Why have I given up on love?’ when you end up feeling incomplete and morose. Instead of giving up on love completely, focus on using these life lessons to understand what you want and expect from your relationships.
3. Giving up on love can change you
Giving up on love doesn’t just impact your personal life or intimate relationships. Every aspect of your life and personality is affected by this decision. Once people quit love, they tend to become aloof, distant, and closed-minded. They begin to resist receiving or giving love and affection in any form – and not just romantically. This can take a toll on friendships, family ties, social skills as well as career prospects. You instinctively develop a cynical and negative outlook. Some people may even start believing that they’re not important enough to make a difference in their own life or that of others. Keeping your heart open to the possibility of love, on the other hand, makes you optimistic, kind, and compassionate.
4. Love comes when you least expect it
This is another reason why you shouldn’t give up on love or else you’ll regret it and wonder, ‘Why have I given up on love?’ when you do meet someone you are completely enamored by. Maybe you have tried every good dating app out there, been set up on dates by friends and coworkers, have had a string of bad relationships. You have been out there seeking love for so long that the whole experience has started to exhaust you. Often, love comes when you least expect it. You’re on a holiday, trying to unwind and get away from the pressure of finding love when you meet someone who instantly stirs up something inside you. You find that this person not only makes your heart skip a beat but also shares your worldview, values, and life goals. Somehow they’re the one you’ve been looking for all along. Ruby was traveling to Seattle for work, a city she did not enjoy at all. She had already been in a mood when she got on the flight but that’s when she encountered, Danny. Straight out of a movie, it’s like they two had the most perfect meet-cute! The two have now been married for three years. That’s why it’s important to keep your heart and mind open to the possibility that the one true love of your life can walk in at any moment. Your ‘I gave up on love’ idea is going to do you no good.
5. Most worthy goals are not easy
The best things in life don’t come easy. If you’re in a relationship that is not doing well but are still looking for reasons not to give up on someone you love, keep this in mind. Any accomplishment that you’re proud of and inspired by must have taken a lot of perseverance and constant hard work. Your relationship is no different. If you’re currently single and wondering if and why you gave up on love so easily, know that finding your soulmate and relationship takes time. When you do find the one, you’ll be glad that you decided not to give up on love.
6. You tend to settle for what you get
So, your first love didn’t work out. And the second love proved to be an even bigger disaster. Now, you’re wondering – is it true we only fall in love 3 times? That means you have only one strike left. That anxiety is pushing you to give up on the idea of love and settle for the next available option who seems like a half-decent person to be with. However, finding real love is all about the will to wait for the right person. This entails hope that you will meet your soulmate soon. When the right person comes along, you’ll know it instantly. Your personality will match theirs like a hand in a glove. You will look forward to spending time together. There will be open and honest communication. You’ll share your beliefs and goals. If you haven’t found that yet, don’t settle. But don’t give up on love either. Hold on a little longer. The person who fits into your life and dreams perfectly will come by.
7. It takes only one person to make love last
It’s important that you stop seeing signs you will never fall in love again and try to be a little more patient. Is it true we only fall in love 3 times? Well, there is no hard-wired evidence to support that myth. People can fall in love over and over again. Or they can misjudge their feelings of attraction as love. While being caught in the cycle of falling in and out of love can be an agonizing experience, you have to remember that it takes only one person to turn things around forever. Perhaps, your last relationship left you immensely heartbroken. Or that last date you went on sucked six ways to Sunday. You may feel like you have a bad pattern when it comes to choosing partners and dates. And you’re not cut out for relationships and love. But it takes just one person, one date, one conversation to change all that. The next date you go on could be with the one who turns out to be the love of your life. Perhaps, you meet them without even going on a date. You could run into them accidentally at a café or meet them at a friend’s party. Instantly, you feel that connection that you’ve been yearning for all along. Your life could be different from that moment on. And that’s one of the biggest reasons to keep believing in love.
8. Inability to love yourself
Giving up on love indicates a lack of belief in this emotion all together. When you denounce something with such conviction, you let go of it completely. A person who has does not believe in love can not only not love others but also themselves. Their perception of the self becomes warped. Add to that a harrowing sense of loneliness, guilt, and self-blame, and their self-worth can take a massive hit as you continue seeing signs you will never fall in love again with somebody else. Instead of giving up on love, take the time to work on yourself. Heal and recuperate before you give another relationship a chance. If you’re struggling with your sense of self, there is no shame in seeking help. So, process the hurt and agony. Understand what you want from your relationships. Take some time off to be on your own, if you need. But keep your heart and mind open to the possibility of love. It’ll find you. If not today, then tomorrow.
