However, that still doesn’t help clear the confusion on how often you should text a guy to keep him interested. It makes you anxious and overthinks your actions because you fear that you might come on too strong, look desperate, or be clingy. However, to keep it safe, you can text a guy 2-3 times a week to keep him interested and start to get to know him. As you mutually start getting more invested and interested in each other, you will start texting more and more every time. But there is still such a thing as too much texting. So here are 10 timeframes on which you should text a guy to keep him interested:
1. During the day, you can text him first once to keep him interested
When you are just starting to know each other, over-texting might be a turn-off and instantly make them disinterested in you. That’s why, in the first few weeks, it is important to keep in touch, but also not have many meaningless, awkward conversations. You can text him first during the day, which will catch his attention, and then wait until he reciprocates that same effort to keep him interested. During this period, avoid waiting by the phone. Go on about your day and let the conversation/texting flow naturally. Even if it’s been quite some time since you texted with no reply, you shouldn’t send a follow-up text. The ball is in his court now and he should be making his move. Also, don’t try to drag the conversation when seemingly he’s trying to end it. By playing it cool and being confident in yourself you will be able to keep him interested even by texting him once first.
2. Text him 2-3 times a week when you’re just getting to know each other
Communication is important in the first stages of getting to know each other. This is a time when you get to know him as a person and see whether you two as a pair are compatible. So to keep him interested and to keep things moving, you should text him 2-3 times a week and try to have longer text conversations. It is important to be able to go back and forth, while also exchanging some texts from time to time until you have the chance to meet face to face. Although the frequency of text matters to keep him interested, their context plays a big part to get him hooked. Furthermore, you shouldn’t flood him with texts, so try to restrain yourself from excessively trying to get his attention.
3. Text him once on the weekend to keep him interested
Weekends are the prime time when he most likely goes out, catches up with friends and family, and makes time for his hobbies and passions. Even though he might not be busy at work doing things for himself, you might still not be able to reach him as easily. You should text him once over the weekend just to keep in contact and talk about the week. You might also talk about the weekend plans he might have and decide whether you can still text him or not. Make sure you show genuine curiosity about his life and his interests. If you’re dating, he might ask you to join him or even prepare a date for you two on the weekend. So texting often without overwhelming the other person is the way to go. Having information about what he did on the weekend, would help you create a purpose to text him during the day. You can still text all through the weekend and have a long conversation if that’s your mutual texting pattern. According to Psychologist Hal Shorey, one would text their partner less and less if their human attachment system would foster secure attachment and mental health. They would be able to self-regulate their emotions and be confident in their experience that their partner would be there for them.
4. Text him every day if he’s your boyfriend
How often you should text a guy to keep him interested depends on which level of relationship you are with your partner. If you’re at the beginning, every so often should be okay. And if you are already exclusive, every day or whatever works for you. Because you already have established your pattern of texting which is special to you only, and that might differ from other couples. Usually, when texting throughout the day, might be just a casual conversation that has become habitual. However, if it is a guy you like and you have already started talking to him, you should text him how you see fit. He might be texting you first every day, initiating contact, then you should text him first when he leans back and gives you the opportunity. Nonetheless, if you’re texting just 2-3 times in 2 weeks, try maintaining a more frequent texting manner to keep him interested. When he doesn’t hear from you for a long time, he might think that you might not be interested and move on.
5. You can text your guy friend 2-3 times a week
Just before you continue texting your guy friend, evaluate your feelings and intentions towards him. Think of these questions:
Am I interested in him romantically? Does it matter how much I text him? Why is this so important to me? Is our friendship something more?
Now, if he is just a friend, your usual time-frequency should be okay. Depending on how close you two are, you might be talking every day and meeting just as often. However, if you are interested in him and you talk every day, all day long, perhaps you should tone it down a bit. Although it is okay to text every day, there is no ‘wow’ factor or butterflies when you’re texting that often. It boils down to small talk eventually. So to keep a guy interested you should text him 2-3 times a week and put a smile on his face. Try flirting with him to keep him interested and to let him know that you think more of him. Throwing back a few flirtatious remarks when you text him 2-3 times a week will keep him interested and show your interest as well.
6. If you met online, text him once or twice
Texting through online dating services have different rules when it comes to texting, and how often you should text a guy. Usually, the purpose of texting when you reach out to someone online is to meet them face-to-face. However, you should text a guy on an online dating platform once or twice to keep him interested and then eventually arrange a date. The purpose of this date is to know if you guys click and have chemistry to continue the relationship, or if you’re good with a one-night stand. How much you text him isn’t a strategic plan, but rather an anxious feeling that your actions might be misinterpreted. Texting has enormously put pressure on young adults’ psychological well-being, negatively influencing their self-image, and how they handle social situations. Anxiety in texting will make you overthink the texts you sent him, fear of being called out in a negative light, doubt how often you can text him, and a constant reminder of fear of rejection. Try to keep a clear mind and keep a positive attitude whenever you decide to text him, be that 2 or 4 times a week.
7. Avoid texting him all day long
You shouldn’t text a guy you like all the time, especially when he is non-responsive. That might drive him away rather than keep him interested. If you feel like you’re not texting frequently enough, then start gradually texting him more while keeping an eye on his replying rate. If you see that he doesn’t mind and enthusiastically awaits this change, then you should text him as often as every other day. However, when he doesn’t show reciprocal behavior then give him more time and continue texting as you were until now, 2-3 times a week. Avoid being impulsive, using an accusatory tone, or blowing his phone as to why he hasn’t texted back. The only time you can send him a follow-up is when you need to add information to the previous text to avoid any misunderstanding. When you text him too often, there might not be much of a mystery left to keep him hooked, especially when you don’t know much about each other.
8. You don’t have to text every day to keep him interested
Texting every day doesn’t equal you keeping him interested. The frequency of texting is a reminder of existence whereas the content of your texts is what keeps him hooked. Be careful, because texting every day might make you come off as too strong, and depending on his definition of clinginess, clingy as well. When texting every day, there might not be much to talk about and your time will be wasted on small talk and meaningless conversations. So you should text him 2-3 times a week to have something to share, and avoid awkward texting silence that might make him lose interest. However, how often you text him is up to you, and what makes both of you comfortable enough to keep talking.
9. You should never ghost a guy when you’ve just met to keep him interested
You shouldn’t just stop texting and vanish in hopes of keeping him interested. Ghosting him will likely ruin the chances you might have rather than help keep him interested. When you feel like you’re texting him a bit too often, just end the conversation with “see you soon!” and take your time. The more you text with him, the faster your relationship will develop. Thus, taking a step back and slowing down might be the right decision sometimes. However, if you’re so inconsistent with your texting he will interpret it as you playing hard to get and just move on. Usually, texting inconsistently is a sign of someone losing interest or playing games, which no one wants to be a part of. Dr. Walsh calls it midweight ghosting when someone you have just started getting to know opens up to him, and he suddenly just avoids and stops answering your texts. This hurts a lot more than a simple rejection since there is no closure and no warning sign of when it might happen.
10. Avoid playing the waiting game to keep him interested
Mirroring his actions is what guides you to understand his texting preferences and identify the patterns. However, intentionally not texting him just because he took two days to text you is immature and in no way keeps him interested. You should text him first a few times to keep him interested and put in some effort to keep the contact going too. Avoid waiting hours to text back if you already have a chance to do it, since that will increase the chances of going back and forth, which is the initial goal.
Does how often I text him matter in keeping him interested?
The studies show that the frequency of texting doesn’t play much of a great role in a relationship or in keeping a guy interested. It is rather the idea of reaching out first when he doesn’t expect it that will pique his interest. Since times have progressed, more and more women are texting first, but men are still the main pursues. Additionally, compatibility not only in personality but also in texting matters. There are different types of personalities that have a preferred way of texting. Some need validation of feelings via text to reassure them that things are okay, whereas some are more confident and trustful that things are going okay. When you’re not feeling sure about what to do, or when you find yourself in need of external validation to keep things going, you’ve got someone to listen to you! The content of your texts is what hooks his attention. Thus, you need to have good questions, great topic ideas, and a reasonable flirtatious attitude to keep him interested through text. People are busy working/studying during the day, so classifying your relationship based on how often you text doesn’t determine the quality of communication between you two. So to keep him interested, you should text him as often as you see fit based on the level of your relationship, and the textual patterns he shows. All the best, Callisto
