Unlike women, men don’t allow themselves to feel what they’re going through. He deals with the breakup in that way to seem more masculine and not seem fragile. At the beginning of the breakup, he will be prancing and not caring about it. Later on, he will get angry at himself and you for feeling the pain and failure at the same time. A man starts to suffer and be hurt, the moment he realizes that he has completely lost you. It’s not quite easy to decode a guy’s behavior after a breakup because he will create a charade. Whether he is the dumper or the dumpee, you would want to know how he feels and what’s left after the breakup. To pin it down, here are 14 things a man does and thinks after a breakup:
1. He might avoid his feelings and he’ll keep himself busy
Going back to the genesis of a man, it has always been hard for a guy to express what he’s feeling. A man would feel something else and say something else just not to seem too weak in front of others. When a man is hurt after the breakup, he will create a shell and ignore his feelings. Everyone will notice the unorthodox way of dealing with the breakup. He will smile and carry on as if nothing happened but deep down he is dealing with emotions by himself.
He will either turn into a workaholic;He will develop bad habits such as gambling, drugs, or alcohol;He will go out more than often;He will jump immediately into mingling with other women;
Once the breakup happens, he deals with emotions, flashbacks, bitter and happy memories, or craving for replacement. He goes through all the things all over again and tries to relive those moments in his head.
2. He experiences a giant wave of relief
Breakups might be mutual or not. Even if it is a mutual breakup, he or you might feel more hurt or more relieved. If he broke up with you, he will be relieved that is over. Whatever was making him or you unhappy, and was impacting negatively the relationship, now is over. Shortly, after that, he will think that he has found his inner peace, and he will start to ponder his decision. His confusion starts right after a few days of being on his own and enjoying his freedom. At this moment, he will be relieved that he doesn’t have to deal with the same problems. On the other hand, he is perplexed because the love that has for you doesn’t allow him to let you go that easily. He is stuck in the realm of trying to heal from the breakup and pondering his decision.
3. He will experience self-depreciation
Self-depreciation is one of the things that everyone goes through after a breakup. It doesn’t matter if you have been dumped or you have initiated the breakup. In both cases, he will feel at his lowest and will wonder if he was not good enough to make the relationship work. Even after the breakup, he might lose himself and not be sure of who he is. Most people after the breakup might go through identity crises. He will search for the meaning of true love, what it’s like to be loved, and if it is worth doing it? This is quite normal because no matter how short the relationship is, one will be impacted by it. One will start to identify somehow himself with the relationship.
4. He has lost his focus
It is quite normal if he experiences a lack of focus during the first period of the breakup. It is the beginning of the part when he is trying to understand the situation and work on his feelings. Sorting out feelings isn’t an easy process. One day he might be feeling like he is on top of the world whereas the other day he might hit rock bottom. His scattered behavior is closely linked with the process of recognizing and working on his feelings. In this case, he might stalk your social media, constantly ask friends and family about you, and initiate “accidental” bumping into you.
5. He will keep tabs on you
A guy’s behavior after a breakup is quite complex. He will choose to deal with his feelings by suppressing them or by focusing more on you. If you have been in a long-term relationship then for him and even you might be harder to move on. He would make his body move faster but his heart will not be able to move that quickly. If a guy after a breakup keeps checking up on you then that means that he isn’t still over you completely. When a man is angry after a breakup, he will keep tabs on you to just keep strings attached. He will want to hinder your healing process or make you feel what he is feeling at that moment.
6. He detaches from other people and social media
Self-isolation after the breakup doesn’t happen immediately. Guys usually enjoy their time with friends and flirting with others until he realizes that the relationship has ended for good. It doesn’t matter if he is the one who initiated the breakup or vice versa, this situation is unpleasant in both cases. The grief after the breakup comes in waves and it hits him from time to time. He isolates himself to work on his feelings and go through the pain. He can’t stop thinking about you or his and your decisions.
7. He struggles with anger and frustration
Getting angry and frustrated after the breakup is one of the key breakup stages. He will be angry and frustrated by your decision if you broke up with him. If he isn’t ready to face this reality and work on his feelings, he will be angry. The suppressed feelings are the indicators of his frustration. He doesn’t cry or let himself feel down. He hinders himself from feeling any type of these emotions. It doesn’t mean that he will always be the one who will deny the feelings, but he just can’t feel those emotions. That’s why the extra help of Relationship Hero coaches is needed. They are specialized in helping you understand in detail why he is behaving like this after the breakup. You will be able to understand if there is room for improvement if you could help and make the relationship work.
8. He won’t accept the fact that the breakup is happening
The denial stage is when he is having a hard time understanding the fact that everything is over. Maybe he wasn’t focused on this since the beginning of the breakup and tried to heal while focusing on other things. One cannot heal from the breakup if he didn’t acknowledge his pain first. He might still text you a lot, act like you’re still in a relationship, and he’s still somehow manipulating you to get back. This is a self-defense mechanism when it comes to moving from one stage of his life to another. Not everyone might cope with a breakup like this. If a man’s behavior after the breakup is like this, he might have a hard time moving on or the ego won’t let him accept the fact.
9. He tries the No Contact Rule
The No Contact Rule is not only part of the psychology of a man that broke off the relationship. This rule is also used by the people who are dumped. In both cases, he uses this rule to focus on himself and move on. Despite this, he might use it as a technique to make himself better so he can reattract you. While using the No contact rule, he will try to not text or call you, he will shut down his social media, or even block and delete you. Now, he puts himself on a pedestal and tries to reflect on what went wrong. Remember, that this is something different from ghosting or having an on-and-off relationship.
10. He is interested in having a fling or one-night stand
Flirting and going out with other women is how he manages to deal with the pain of the breakup. It might look like he has moved on quite quickly, but that’s not the case. He might still love you and care for you but he is in that stage when he needs a distraction. You might ask yourself: Why do guys jump into a relationship after the breakup? When he jumps into a rebound relationship, he wants something quick to just ease his feelings. On the other hand, he just wants to “win” the breakup and show that he is moving on without you. He might continue like this for a while until he is exhausted and can’t cope with it anymore. There comes this time when he realizes that he needs to work on what he is feeling first.
11. He will ignore you
When a guy ignores you after the breakup, he does that for different reasons. He might be dealing with internal thoughts and emotions or he just wants to move on. If he has fallen out of love then he will ignore you and block or mute you. He wouldn’t want to interact with you, not in any type of way. The same happens if he has been hurt by you. He will ghost you and not respond to you by no means. On the other hand, if he is feeling guilty, he will ignore you but keep tabs on you. He won’t cut ties with you completely but will not make the first move to reconnect with you. That’s because he is still dealing with the guilt and is afraid of rejection.
12. He will try to take revenge
A man who has a big ego and controlling behavior will eventually seek revenge after the breakup. A controlling partner or a narcissist will find comfort in continuing to be part of your life. He will find ways to always be all up on your face or interfere in your healing life and dating life. Making you feel miserable or hurt just like you made him, is his way of not letting himself feel. This way he will numb his feelings by making you go through the same feelings. Not every guy deals with the breakup in the same way. Others might choose to let go as a form of healing and dealing with the breakup.
13. He will ponder his decision
How do guys feel after the breakup? Well, he might feel confused and not know what to do. This is quite normal to feel after experiencing a breakup. Even if you initiated the breakup or not, confusion and uncertainty will follow along. This happens usually when he feels guilty for initiating the breakup or not feeling good enough for you. Usually, a man thinks that after the breakup, he will be free and find something better. The moment he lets his feelings sink in, that’s the moment when he starts to ponder whether to go back or not.
14. He might come back to ask for another try
Before admitting that everything has ended, he might come and ask to be given a second chance. Unlike women, that beg to be back right after the breakup, men beg for a second chance when the breakup hit them. Whether he begs in the beginning or later on, it all depends on how he chose to deal with the breakup first. If he started to recognize his feelings in the beginning he would do that right after the breakup. If he ignored his feelings and is stubborn, he would come back later or refuse to take this decision.
Does he think of me after the breakup?
The answer is always yes. Yes, he thinks about you after the breakup. Even if he doesn’t text or call you, he is thinking about you. Especially, right after the breakup, everything that associates him with you makes him reminisce. Whether you end up on good or bad terms, an ex will be thinking about you for some time. No one can erase an important person from his mind or heart in a couple of days or months. In particular, long-term relationships leave a great mark on everyone’s life. Even though he will act like he is having a good time or jumping into a relationship, that might not be true. He is using all these justifications as a form of distraction. There will always be a part of you that will make him think of you even if he loves you still or not. In the end, the distance and the time spent apart will have a great impact to show if he has been thinking of you. In the meantime, if he interacts with you directly or indirectly on any platform, that is a good sign that he is thinking about you.
Do breakups hit guys later?
Women are more emotional and deal with their emotions right after the breakup. Research made by Bringham University suggests that women relive pain right after a breakup but tend to recover faster. As per men, they tend to postpone dealing with these feelings later. The breakup hits him later because he chooses to not connect with his feelings immediately. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have those feelings. He just chooses to suppress them so he can move faster and seem strong. In general, a man doesn’t let himself feel the anger, the sadness, the loneliness, not any of these feelings. That’s when all these are turned into a bigger problem and loneliness hit him, that’s when he realizes the relationship is over. This doesn’t mean that women are more emotional than men. This means that men and women have different ways to deal with the breakup. No one should be labeled for dealing with feelings based on gender. Yes, that plays a huge role in how each one deals with everything in life. Yet, you should also take into consideration the way you or he is raised and how everyone can work on their feelings.
Bottom Line: How do guys deal with breakups?
Men and women deal with the breakup differently. Even the timeline of getting over the breakup is different for each gender. A man chooses to deal with a breakup by numbing his feelings even if he is experiencing relief or pain. Whereas women rely more on expressing themselves and venting to friends and family. This doesn’t mean that the intensity of feelings isn’t the same between the two genders. Only men have a more complicated way to go through the stages of grief. Best, Callisto
